Sleepily Satirical: Lack of sleep from lack of time

Brian Chang, News Editor

Oh my gosh, I have so much homework. I barely get to sleep three hours a night, and it’s all because of my evil teachers piling assignments and tests on me every single day. It’s almost as if my teachers have forgotten that school isn’t the only thing I need to spend time on.

Immediately after school, I have to go to Starbucks, because without my daily caramel frappuccino I absolutely cannot be expected to have any energy. I only spend about an hour there complaining with my friends about the mountains of homework we have piled up, a necessary part of any high schooler’s day. It would be impossible to slog through each and every day without our rant sessions.

I rush home, just in time for my 3:30 p.m. nap. Sleeping at 4 a.m. means that I am always sleepy, and since teachers unfairly won’t let me sleep in class, it’s necessary for me to take an afternoon snooze to recharge.

A quick four hours later, I’m up and ready to eat dinner. My absolute favorite show is on right about now, so I am obligated to spend my next two hours riveted in my seat, cheering for my favorite home chef.

I missed last week’s show, so I go and look up what happened. That reminds me! That guy’s from Italy, and one of my friends went there last summer. I wonder how she’s doing. As I scroll through my Facebook feed trying to locate her current whereabouts, I spy a cute face staring out at me. A cat video! And another one! I’ll just watch a few.

Oh would you look at the time. It’s midnight already, and I haven’t even begun on homework. Fine, I’ll start now.

Wait, my absolute best friend in the world just tagged me in a Facebook comment. It must be a meme. I can’t get started on my homework without knowing what it is. The stress would kill me. And just for good measure, I’ll make sure to tag him in another one, so we’re even. Now I’ll begin homework — besides, it’s only 1 a.m.

Whew, I finally got through one problem. I only have another 20 to do for Statistics, so it’s no big deal. I feel like I deserve a rest break, so I’ll just look up what’s trending on Youtube. Coyote has a new video, and I just have to watch it. Twelve minutes won’t make that much of a difference.

Somehow it’s already 3 a.m. I knew I shouldn’t have taken Civics. This workload is insane — it’s been two hours since I started homework, and I’ve barely gotten through half a page of questions. I guess I’m not sleeping again tonight. This enormous burden of work is the reason I have to take naps and why I’m always tired in class. Maybe if teachers gave us less homework I would actually get some sleep.