Driving. Let’s be real here–it’s not that difficult. Most cars nowadays have that automatic fancy schmancy stuff that does half the driving for you, yet some of you still can’t drive in a straight line. There are two pedals down there–Left brake, right gas. Press it, it’ll do what you want. That wheel at your chest? Turn it. See what happens.
Honestly, I can’t stand the stupidity of these people on the road. Half of you don’t even know how to use a turn signal. I’m pretty sure if you drive a BMW or a Tesla you don’t even know what a turn signal is! I swear, the next one of you who cuts me off will learn just how good your car’s automatic braking is. I’m curious, we should find out together!
This brings me to my next point: traffic lights. Did you know that if the light is green, it means go? MOVE. I didn’t get my dad to buy this $200,000 Audi R8 to sit here pumping gas. If I see that light turn green, you better get moving unless you want to feel the full wrath of my horn blaring into your ears. I was once behind this mom at an intersection driving her kids to school or something. I waited a full SECOND for her to move, and she didn’t. Absolutely ridiculous. I looked right at her kid in the backseat, looked that little 8-year-old brat right in the eyes, and gave him my full finger. Bet she learned her lesson after that.
Speaking of little kids, let’s talk about these darn high schoolers on the road who can’t go two red lights without pulling out their phones. It’s honestly crazy that they are so addicted to their phones that they’ll be willing to risk MY life over it. Completely ridiculous. How about you learn how to drive for five seconds without panic braking before you start endangering my life.
That’s another thing: the filthy streets. The city ought to clean up the streets, clean up the sidewalks, clean everything up because this is ridiculous. I once dropped my phone while making a very important business call because I hit a big pothole. It’s astounding to me. I lost the client because of that pothole–doesn’t the city care about its citizens? It’s alright, because I went to the city hall later that day to file an official complaint and sue for emotional damage.
You know what pisses me off the most? Sometimes I’m trying to get a good night’s sleep and some rowdy groups of people are driving down the front of my house at 200 miles per hour. Tell me, where do you have to go in such a hurry at night? I’m over here trying to rest and these kids are getting a one-way ticket to Narnia. It’s crazy how insane these people have gotten. Ridiculous. If you’ve got somewhere to go, then leave earlier. Just because you leave the house late doesn’t mean you can just blow past my neighborhood on your trip to heaven. And if that’s one of you reading this, then turn off those sirens that come after. You make it hard to sleep, buffoons. I seriously don’t know how ANY of you got your licenses. I didn’t know DMV officials took bribes.
