Sluggardly Satirical: The tortoise and the Harvard-bound


Cartoon Courtesy of ANNETTE KIM

Being a high schooler, I am surrounded by academic prowess– where anything less than the maximum signals the heat death of the universe to my studious peers. But, starting today, other students will no longer have the right to look down on me and think me an underachiever, as I have finally reached my final form.

Now that the usually dreaded college applications are on the horizon, it’s finally time to kick it into high gear, showing off my true talent. I dream of attending colleges like Harvard after graduation, which should be a menial task, considering the amount of hard work I’ve put in these past two weeks. For one thing, I’ve finally begun studying for my Algebra I exams while walking to class on test day. 

The results of my newfound scholarly habits have been earth shattering. My grade has received a major boost–I’ve achieved a stellar C– which may finally get me out of the class after three long years. However, my efforts haven’t just ended at math; my grades have received a long overdue boost thanks to my dedication— my gradebook glimmering with straight C’s signaling the possibility of me finally passing my classes this year.

However, if you thought this was the full extent of my growth, you would be sorely mistaken. My commitment to a successful future isn’t limited to just academics, but also in my willingness to give back to the community. Back in freshman year I would repeatedly get asked, “Have you even started volunteer work?”

Such statements of mockery from my peers confused me as I had given my all, joining both National Honors Society and Key Club. It’s been two years since then and even though I haven’t attended a general meeting, the fact that I’m still part of the NHS Facebook group shows that my dedication remains strong.

Even this slight setback towards community service hours has been meticulously accounted for. Finding a loophole in the system, I have asked my parents if I could babysit my sister on weekends in order to show my dedication to family. They agreed to it immediately, with the small exception that they would stay home to ensure I don’t let her accidentally spend all our life savings on a video game or something.

With all these assets combined, the dedication I put into my daily life in order to ensure my future success is clear. These assets will surely shine through as Harvard reads, and accepts, my college application.

Long gone are the days of spending my weekends waiting for the new Attack on Titan episode to drop so I can call the show overrated on Reddit. Here are the days of me taking care of my sister on the weekends while my parents watch TV in the living room. The grind is finally setting in, and I’ve got a long way to go from here.