Sufficiently Satirical: Doing what’s necessary


Cartoon courtesy of James Tsao

It’s a shame that some students still go the extra mile to gain knowledge at school  since  you can just do the bare minimum and still get credit for a class.

 I am not going to school to actually learn anything, I show up every day because it’s the law. I’m forced to sit through hours of pointless classes that feed me information I will never use. If I had my way, I would stay home, lay in bed, and watch Netflix all day.

Most people stress out about tests, but luckily, I don’t have that problem. I use the grades app on my phone to calculate the lowest possible grade I can get on a test to maintain a passing grade. This way I can determine whether or not I should even try to study or worry for that matter. As my main goal for high school is to just get enough credits to graduate, why do anything else?

In addition, when the dreaded finals come around, I can decide which classes I don’t need to study for or care about by using my trusty app.

It allows me to accept a failing grade because I know that I can still pass the class and get the credits I need.

By utilizing this handy app, I just need to get a couple good grades in a class and not worry about the others.

There’s no harm in not paying attention during class a few days in a week or not reading an assigned book if it won’t bring my grade down too much. I can use this extra time to watch Netflix, play video games or even sleep.

If my grade falls below what I need, there is always extra credit to bring it back up. Why would anyone do extra credit for any other reason than to use it as a grade-cushion?

It’s ridiculous that high school students have to take so many boring classes, so I just fill up some spaces with sports or T.A. spots. It gives me two easy A’s, without all the studying and hassle. Instead, I can just staple a few papers, grade some work, and even go on my phone or complete worksheets for another class using Slader. When college application time arrives, I can just use my electives to cover my average and unimpressive grades.

If being in high school has taught me anything, it is that it takes too much hard work to achieve a great GPA.

So, why not unburden yourself and just do the bare minimum to pass and graduate. Clearly, there are no reasons to go above and beyond.