Speedily Satirical: The parking lot: DBHS battleground
January 24, 2018
Welcome to Diamond Bar High School, home of the Brahmas. Many of you have asked for instructions on the best way to navigate the parking lot before and after school. It really depends on every driver’s preference, but if you insist on the rules, here are some suggestions:
First things first, there is always room for yet another vehicle. I truly cannot comprehend when students say that the parking lot is too “packed” with cars zooming in and out, every which way. The solution is so simple. Like parents who drop off or pick up their precious Brahmas, student drivers should just create lanes of their own. That way, there will be no rush or crowding. After all, if the parents do it, why can’t the students?
I personally take every opportunity I can to squeeze in between the line of cars that are patiently waiting for their children in the loading zone because I just don’t have the time to wait for them. It works every time.
For the parents, a simple solution to getting to your child after school as easily as possible is to ignore all those worthless lines they’ve painted on the lot and station your vehicle wherever you want. So go ahead and double-park behind all of the other cars in the staff parking lot. Or just park in lanes designed for moving traffic; no one will mind. That way, students can clearly see where their parents are and can make their way to their ride. Even if 1,000 other parents picking up their children have the same line of thinking, the lot never gets too crowded; even if it takes an hour to navigate back into the street.
Although the lines are twice as long in the mornings, with all of the students trying to dash off to their early morning classes and parents making sure that Johnny or Jenny don’t have to walk all the way across the parking lot, you’ll always find a route to the front of the line. A few honks of the horn and eventually at least one car will slightly inch forward giving any parent ample room to squeeze through and zoom away.
And for our Brahma parents and Brahmas alike, you don’t need to stay in a single file line to get out. Those exits can definitely fit at least three SUVs filled to the brim with students in one go. Just try and make your best guess as to when it will be safe for you to turn out onto the main street. Because certainly, the other pedestrians and drivers will see that you are handling students and will always stop for you to go, even if it means creating a traffic jam.
The way that the parking lot runs right now is one of the most efficient ways I have seen students get picked up and dropped off. It is also the best way for parents to get to their valuable cargo, their children, as quickly and efficiently as possible. There is always enough room to fit more cars into an already crowded parking lot. Always a path that can be made. And, of course, always enough time to honk at those annoying students trying to make their way to a safer location to wait for their ride.
