Seriously Satirical: School Teaches us Lessons


Frances Wu, News Editor

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens … brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things…” God only knows what was wrong with Maria von Trapp, for I can think of a million things that are far superior to soggy flowers and Amazon packages. In fact, one of my favorite things in the world is school.

After having spent seven hours a day of my life here for the past four years, I can, without a doubt, say that high school teaches you things that you would never be able to learn anywhere else. I’m not talking about life skills, like time management, that you would use “in the real world.”

I’m talking about the truly important stuff: derivatives, cross price elasticity, and Aaron Burr’s beef with Alexander Hamilton, to name a few. Even at the recent Calculus Day event, during which DBHS alumni answered questions about college, former students admitted how having a substantial knowledge of rhetorical devices helped them adjust to leading an independent lifestyle at college. One even stated how a knowledge of vectors prompted him to quadruple minor in theater, gender studies, and French!

The concepts I’ve learned in class now permeate my everyday life: I wouldn’t have survived all those tough decisions between paperback or hardcover at Barnes & Noble if I hadn’t calculated the marginal utility for each, and I definitely wouldn’t be able to navigate everyday conversations if it weren’t for the list of significant Supreme Court cases I memorized for APUSH (Hammer v. Dagenhart, anyone?).

Furthermore, when I hear adults sigh and say, “kids these days,” I can only roll my eyes at their ignorance. Don’t they know that the “life skills” they talk about have absolutely no significance? All I need to survive in the real world is what I’ve learned in my high school classes. Honestly, adults these days. No longer do they remember the essential lessons that they learned in high school; instead, they focus on useless traits like public speaking and networking skills.

Worried about living on your own in college? Don’t be! All 12 years of your previous education have led you to this period in your life: all the biology classes you’ve taken will help you self-diagnose any ailments, and the vocabulary words you’ve had to memorize will help you communicate with adults. You’ll be fine. At the very least, you won’t die, and that’s all that matters!

When I think back over my high school years, I don’t think of the people I’ve met or the experiences I’ve had, but the lessons that I will use and treasure for the rest of my life.