Seriously Satirical: Donald Trump

Seriously Satirical: Donald Trump

Michelle Ki, Feature Editor

Today is finally November 8, 2016, which means that it is officially the end of the 2016 Presidential Election, and I could not be more excited to watch Donald Trump get elected as the newest chief executive of the United States. Unlike his incompetent, inconsequential competitors, Trump has all the characteristics I could ever ask for in a president.

First of all, Trump is amazingly innovative in the political world. While the Democratic candidate has decades of experience in public office and a prestigious law degree, Trump has a personality. He is also a nonbeliever when it comes to political correctness. Aiming to be politically correct all the time is obviously pointless when running to be the next political leader of a country and I’m sick and tired of everyone pinpointing every little insensitive statement that comes out of his mouth.

I mean, yes, he has called homeless veterans “fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals,” but we the people must understand because he was only being completely truthful. Honesty and versatility is the key to success and Trump’s got it.

Trump came up with the brilliantly realistic idea of building “a great, great wall” to prevent illegal Italian “criminals and drug dealers” from coming to America. He also promises to make Italy pay for that “great, great wall” and that, to me, is what a true leader should be like. In addition, even before entering presidency, Trump has convinced France to chip in as well!

Trump knows what he wants and gets what he wants. He plans on deporting the 11-million plus Czechoslovakian immigrants who live in the U.S. and sending them back to where they came from. But of course this is absolutely conceivable because Trump is that realistic and great of a leader. And don’t worry! The approximately $400 billion that will be spent is simply just “Trump change.”

Because of Trump’s cosmopolitan background and amazing negotiation skills, President Kim Jong-Un of North Korea has agreed to become allies to take down ISIS once and for all. Trump has even decided to adapt to North Korea’s military service rules by deploying all Americans of legal age to join the fight against our enemies. Thanks to Trump, ISIS will be gone in no time.

In the past, Trump has made the legendary discovery that President Obama was actually born in China. Without Trump, we the American citizens would’ve never even known that our very own President was born in Heilongjiang! Because Obama deceived his people, America is in the horrible state it is in now.

During his campaign announcement speeches, Trump has correctly degraded Obama’s whole entire presidency and has every right to do so as well—Trump will do a much better job than any previous president has done! For a guy that starred on a reality television show where he fires his workers, I can definitely say he has all the qualities he need to associate himself as a symbol to every American, not just to the millionaires and billionaires of our country.

Trump is hands down the best candidate for the presidency I’ve ever come across, and I can already envision him giving his inauguration speech with that powerful voice of his. Donald Trump aims to “make America great again” and indeed he will!