Blazing Trails of Satire: Lovely Homework

Angie Zhang, Editor-in-Chief

I’ve come across the strangest realization recently, a realization that led to an epiphany of epic proportions. Just the other night, seeing my father come home from work and, with nothing else to do, immediately turn on the television, led me to the thought: why do students have homework?

Yes, I know, upon reading that question, you immediately countered with a billion answers. Students need to reinforce the topics learned in class and AP classes naturally require more work, you say. In reality though, homework is actually detrimental. Once you look at this issue more closely, you’ll see the logic in my argument.

Firstly, let me get it out of the way and address the misconception concerning AP classes. There is no difference between these types of courses and regular ones; all classes are created equal and the two are obviously of equal duration: 56 minutes, exactly. My point is made. So there is no reason for all those extra summer assignments and additional hours of work; it’s all for naught since AP classes are basically the same as the typical courses offered.

Secondly, our parents don’t have homework, so why should we? Running or working in a business is many times harder than learning in school, so logically, it should be them and not us, who need to do homework.

Let us level the table by ceasing the illogical assignment of work to students. Time at home should be utilized to bond with family members, not wasted sitting in front of a desk, straining the hands by clutching pens. Even more important is the time being lost from connecting with friends on social media sites such as Facebook or Twitter. No one wants to be clueless of the going-ons of peers or important gossip; it’s a precursor to being bullied, after all.

Thirdly, eliminating homework encourages students to participate in class. How, you may ask? Well, the logic is simple. Tired students don’t talk or engage themselves in their courses, but energetic students do. Not giving students homework would allow them to sleep more and recover from the late nights. As a result, they would be awake and actively learning during class hours. No teacher wants dull and unresponsive students, so taking homework away is a surefire way to prevent this situation from occuring. Another bonus is that students would overall be healthier.

Which brings me to the point: what’s the use of homework anyways? We’ve already learned the material once, so why review the boring concept again? Instead, it might make us worse. Like exercise; the more you run, the more exhausted you’ll be.

All in all, having no homework benefits everyone: parents need not worry about bullying, teachers about listless classes, and students about health.

Everyone accuses us of complaining about our situation, but we have no reason to not stop whining, you see, as all my points are perfectly inaccurate.