Blazing Trails of Satire: Obamacare Nightmare?

Gloria+Kim

Gloria Kim

Miley Cyrus sings, “Sometimes I fix things up and they fall apart again, nobody’s perfect, I know I mix things up but I always get it right in the end, you know I do.” Miley Cyrus knows. So do the rest of us.

I absolutely love America, the land of the free. And I love it more when intelligent and compassionate people are placed as its leaders. This is why I cannot help but simply admire President Obama, who strives day and night to make the best possible living experience for American citizens. The passage of the Affordable Care Act in 2010 was one of the fruits of his labor, which I am sure will be the most positively remembered component of his shining legacy.

Contrary to my ardent compliance to the president’s sentimental efforts for the prosperity of this country, however, millions of ridiculous skeptics insist that Obamacare is a turn for the worst. How shortsighted they are. Clearly, these people have never read or tried to understand the full 906-page Obamacare bill, which I am certain the president has already read and mastered.

Mr. President has repeatedly assured the American citizens that his spectacular healthcare program would be a monumental success. We are already experiencing astounding progress through the rollout of the program; seconds after Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius set foot into a Miami medical center, the healthcare website crashed. Such occurrences only serve to increase my respect for the program.

In fact, because of my absolute respect for the healthcare plan, I pulled five consecutive all-nighters exploring healthcare.gov. The result? I felt something spark inside my heart, and tears started to pour down my face. My little brain could not grasp the magnitude of compassion a single man had for millions of people.

I made up my mind right there and then that I would be the first person to sign up. I applied for quality health coverage at my affordable price and was happily going through the process when suddenly, the screen flashed with a message that read: “The system is down at the moment. We are experiencing technical difficulties and hope to have them resolved soon. Please try again later.” And that is exactly what I did. I tried again later in the evening, and guess what? I was flashed with the same message again.

It seems to be that I was not the only one to have failed to sign up because of the technical difficulties. Only six people had been successful on the first day of the launch, when thousands of other should have also been successful. That’s when it hit me. It must have been those Republicans who somehow cracked the system and screwed around with it. I am sure Republicans, especially during times like this, have many hours to waste.

But what shines through in these dark hours is Obama’s mature and prudent approach to the chaos. He is not blaming the Republican Party at all, but is spending his time productively to fix the problem, spending some hundreds of million dollars. In fact, he has enlisted the help of QSSI, one of the producers of this very failed website, to try to fix the problem. Giving second chances are surely the way to succeed.

We know you’ll pull through, President Obama.