Blazing Trails of Satire: Dear Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor Swift,

Before I start, I must congratulate you on your recent Grammy Awards show opening performance with your very inspirational love song, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” I cannot express how much those song lyrics moved me as you reassured worried fans that your poor relationships, which, of course, rarely occur, will never, ever, ever resume in the near future.

Speaking of your former relationships, I recall being very excited when you took a chance with love at age 19 by starting your first Hollywood romance with Joe Jonas. Quite frankly, it ripped my heart to see your intimate relationship end so early when Jonas abruptly left you for his “LoveBug” music video co-star Camilla Belle. However, I was proud to see you handling the situation well and quickly moving on to Lucas Till, a fellow co-star of your viral “You Belong with Me” music video. I am sure that your brief relationship with him has inspired true love in many teens today.

Furthermore, I greatly admire how you ventured out of your comfort zone and dated older men such as John Mayer, who was 32 years old at the time of your relationship, and Jake Gyllenhaal, who was 30. This has taught me the valuable lesson that it is never shameful to freely experiment with love. I also understand and totally agree with you that John Mayer was presumptuous to think “Dear John” was directed towards him. It is clear that the song title, albeit containing Mayer¡¯s name, was merely a coincidence.

In addition, the very kind and flattering descriptions of your previous boyfriends in your songs are definitely what make supportive fans, like me, have genuine respect for your work. Thanks to your precious songs, blaming the boy¡¯s flaws and heartless actions have been the best way for me to cope with my own upsetting break-ups.

To put it briefly, I must confess that you are an exemplary role model for all teens, especially those in need of love advice. Having had only ten high-profiled romances in the span of four years, you undeniably demonstrate the genuine qualities necessary for steady, long-term relationships. It is no wonder that Selena Gomez, who recently broke up with Justin Bieber, considers you as the person to go to for support. I don¡¯t think any celebrity can match your extensive experience in building solid and heartfelt relationships.

P.S. I am truly sorry for your recent break up with Harry Styles; it totally took me by surprise. However, your mature way of getting back at him by mocking a British accent during your Grammy performance made it clear that you were taking the break up well. The way you appropriately put the spotlight on your past relationships makes me admire you even more, and I will be eagerly anticipating your next hit album, for every relationship deserves a song.

Yours Truly, A Beloved Fan