Blazing Trails of Satire: Celebrity Obsession

There have always been certain dedicated fans who would do just about anything for certain celebrities. From buying Scarlett Johansson’s used tissue for $2,075 to swimming across the Biscayne Bay to Anna Kournikova’s home, countless admirable and socially acceptable displays of affection have been shown through the generations by the common man. More recently, however, a group of mature young women have gone above and beyond the call of duty in order to protect its beloved Justin Bieber

“It hurts, but I do it for my Justin #cuttingforbieber.” What inspiring words. What courage it must have taken for this true Belieber and a few others to be so self-sacrificing as to cut herself to make Bieber stop smoking marijuana. These girls have gone above and beyond the call of fan girl duty and set a simple guideline for fans everywhere to follow—when you care about someone else but need them to change their ways, hurt yourself.

After the release of pictures of Justin Bieber holding a joint, a few of his most ardent and loyal followers decided that they would keep him out of harm’s way by harming themselves. To protect him from the horrors of dizziness, dry mouth, and in some cases even hunger, these proactive women cut their own wrists to let their favorite pop star know that what he was doing to himself was hurting them as well. “You stop using drugs and we’ll stop cutting. You make this world meaningless and we’ve lost hope,” was one moving tweet aimed to stop Bieber from ruining his life through the countless side effects that come with weed, like forgetfulness and sleepiness.

Although some shake their heads at the hopelessness of the Beliebers’ cause, I do not think their plight is going unnoticed. Since I expect that Bieber diligently goes over the thousands of tweets he is tagged in every day, he must have seen how his poor choices are affecting those he loves the most. In fact, I expect that he is reading all of them at this very moment and reflecting upon his exceedingly irresponsible actions.

Justin Bieber is only 18 years old and clearly has no idea what he is doing. His body belongs to his supporters. They have every right to dictate what goes into it because they are the only reason his career has gotten this far anyway. He also needs to start recognizing that weed is lethal—if he were to smoke just 800 joints in a row, he could die from carbon monoxide poisoning.

I must once again laud my peers for taking such an effective course of action and suggest that we consider bringing their method of thinking into all aspects of our own lives. Is your little brother refusing to eat his vegetables again? Cut yourself. Your best friend skipped first period? Cut yourself. Mom is driving a little too fast on the freeway? Cut yourself. It’s simple, really. If things that you don’t like are happening, just show everyone how quickly you can drain your veins. I guarantee people will start acting differently around you.