I thought I was finally done.

I had dreamt of this moment for years—by second semester senior year, college acceptances meant that I would be completely done with school.

Yet, as I found myself staring at assignments I didn’t need to do, studying for tests I could easily fail, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

My entire time in high school has been a blur—a mix of late night studying and long assignments.

However, despite constantly telling myself that it would all be for good and that the work would eventually pay off, I was still never quite satisfied.

Throughout the last four years, I’ve realized that my relationship with academics has been characterized as nothing short of obsession.

The pandemic made it worse, forcing me to stay home and constantly immerse myself into work.

I was perpetually unsatisfied and constantly found myself asking the same question: “What was the point of it all?”

Of course, there were some events that drew me away from this cycle: football games, the occasional rallies, and often hangouts with friends.

But, even though I have felt genuine happiness in these moments, it always seemed as if the time I spent there had to be compensated by studying or doing homework—I never felt fulfilled with simply “having fun.”

And it’s not just a problem with me.

Growing up in a competitive environment has reinforced this notion that being “successful” means obtaining high SAT scores, doing an unhealthy amount of extracurriculars, and getting into a Top 20 college. But it isn’t.

I’ve realized now that being successful means being happy, and—if that’s true—I’ve failed.

So, what still drives me to move forward? The fear of failure? Academic validation? Peer pressure? Maybe all three of them.

Yet, as I chase these endless goals, I never find myself fulfilled at the work that I do.

If I could turn back time, I would tell myself not to care about academics so much.

I would tell myself to go out more and appreciate high school for what it is. But that’s not how it works. I can only move on and hopefully convince myself that it was all for good.

To all the underclassmen and incoming seniors: just have fun. Time really does fly, and it’s the memories and friends you make throughout high school that really matter.

Go out with friends, attend homecoming, and find something you’re genuinely interested in—it’s all worth it at the end.