It’s incredibly challenging to bear the weight of the fashion industry on my shoulders. Nobody will ever know that I work like a dog, day and night, constructing and fabricating the most gorgeous array of garments for each coming school day. My most recent work of art? Sambas and fast-fashion jorts with a graphic tee from Ross.
I’m like an artist without connections: no one will recognize my real, raw, diamond-in-the-rough talent, but it’s definitely there. A Renaissance man without a Medici family, if you will – one to fund my consistent shipments from Urban Outfitters, H&M and Yesstyle, just to name a few of my elite, secretive suppliers of attire.
I know you won’t be able to comprehend the beauty behind it, but allow me to walk you through the process of my latest outfit. Of course, I had to adhere to the Rule of Thirds, so I made sure to start off with a blank tee from Uniqlo. I’ve been gatekeeping this brand because I’m pretty sure I’m the only person in the world who buys from their site. I’m all for supporting small businesses, but this one is just too good to let it get gentrified! Next, I followed up with a pair of jeans from Jaded London belted up all the way to my belly button to maximize proportions. They cost over $100, so of course they aren’t fast fashion! I made sure to layer with a zip-up from Stussy, another really underground archive fashion brand that I discovered last month on TikTok. You might think: but, Jeremiah, tons of people wear Stussy on campus. You aren’t unique! Well, to that I say: everyone on campus wearing Stussy is actually wearing reps. I hate people who wear fake clothes.
Anyway, I finished off the outfit with a splash of color with my Dunks from a website called Pandabuy. I see all kinds of fantastic deals for Balenciaga and Rick Owens (you wouldn’t know those super underground high-fashion labels) and I guarantee nobody else is profiting like I am.
Life is a runway to me, and the show never stops. However, when I’m not actively flaunting my beautiful, never-before-seen outfits in everyone’s faces, I usually try to go to thrift stores to claim what has been predestined to be mine. Monarchs in the past believed in the Divine Right of Kings; it’s a similar concept here. Those clothes were donated for one reason and one reason only: to come cycling back to me. Of course, don’t think for a second that I’ll put those clothes to good use. Silly you…I’ll be reselling them on Depop for triple the thrifted prices. Shame me all you want, but at the end of the day let’s go band for band and see who the real winner is.
