Odds of Acceptance

When people complain that they haven’t started on their college applications and have eight applications to work on, I scoff at their lack of initiative and drive. It seems that I’m the only student in this school to realize that the more applications I send, the higher chance that I would be accepted—it’s all simple math.

According to the probability chapter in Algebra 2, the odds of an acceptance to a college rises with the number of applications filled out. To make it easier on myself, I searched up the top colleges of the nation and went down the list.

Since the rules of probability clearly indicate my likelihood of going to college, I suppose the seventeen volunteering hours I have and the essays that I hastily copied and pasted from one of my applications won’t matter; as long as I apply to more universities than I can count, I’ll be guaranteed to make it in.

Unfortunately, I have a myriad of applications to fill out and supplementary essays to write, but not enough time to research more schools, let alone copy and paste my template essays onto the application. My pocket is $2,000 lighter, but it’s a sacrifice for the greater good.

I don’t really have a dream school or preference. I can’t categorize the schools that I applied for by location, ranking or social life because I’m too busy filling out applications to bother researching. As long as I get into a school with an Ivy League title, I couldn’t care less.  

Who cares if I get cold easily or the university doesn’t have the major that I’m interested in? Getting in is what matters most, not whether I’ll thrive at that particular university.

Perhaps my neutral stance on all colleges is a good thing. When I inevitably receive my acceptance letter from multiple schools, I won’t have a hard time choosing— I won’t lose sleep or agonize over my future, unlike others who actually waste their time thinking about their future. Instead, I can close my eyes and randomly pick.

Some people might say that I’m holding other wait-listed students’ spots at schools that I don’t even want to attend.

In response, I say that they should have applied to more colleges. Who wouldn’t want to apply to schools just to see if they could get in? Besides, I’m helping out the schools by lowering their acceptance rates.

It takes a lot of sacrifice to pull off this feat. The long nights of changing the name of the college in my essays gets the best of me at times. However, when March rolls around, I’ll be reaping the benefits of the hard work I’ve invested into my foolproof strategy.