Sincerely Satirical: Winter dance: A formal request to USB
December 13, 2017
A letter to USB:
Month after month, Diamond Bar High School’s desperate plea to you has been ignored. For years, we have begged and begged for a simple event and have been faced with abject rejection.
Our request is clear: more than anything else in the whole school, USB should spend their time and money on adding a Winter Formal to the yearly activities list. In the midst of preparing for finals, stressing over semester grades and awaiting early decision acceptances, the thing we need most is an extravagant dance to distract us.
Now I know what you are thinking, “Didn’t you beg for a Sadies, only to have it cancelled?” While your concerns are understandable, I can guarantee that our request for a winter formal dance is entirely different.
First of all, Sadies takes place far too close to prom, only two months away from the monumental event. In contrast, a winter formal would take place in December, a whole two and a half months away from homecoming, giving students more than enough time to start anticipating another dance.
Secondly, while Sadies provides a refreshing contrast to the stereotypical expectation of a boy asking a girl out, a Winter Formal would provide nothing of the sort. We’re not looking to make a statement or provoke any sort of social change; we just need another dance to add onto the list of cute photos on our wall.
Being frugal and sparing with your limited budget shouldn’t be on our minds at all, as nothing else you plan holds any weight against the importance of having a dance in the middle of December. After all, Walnut High School has a winter formal, and their social media posts make us feel inadequate and spur the desperate need for us to post something similar.
As students yourselves, you will understand that we are desperate to find activities other than studying to take away from the stress and pressure of our everyday lives. Instead of looking to healthy forms of dealing with our issues, we would rather spend a single night acting out and grinding on a dance floor to solve our problems.
We look forward to your serious consideration of our request. Hopefully you will understand that as high school students, our priorities lie in complaining about a lack of unnecessary activities. After all, we have a complete mutual understanding that if you were ever to announce a Winter Formal dance, we will all go to Disneyland instead upon finding out the event takes place in the gym.
Sincerely,
A Hopeful Diamond Bar Student
