Blazing Trails of Satire: Black Friday Backfires?

Thanksgiving Day. The time of year when the family gathers together to share their appreciation and dive into a mouth-watering meal.
If you look around the house, you will get nothing short of a heart-warming holiday that would be perfect for the cover of a Hallmark card. Mother is stuffing the turkey, Grandma is baking the pumpkin pie, and little Jimmy is preparing his overnight bag for the Black Friday sale at Best Buy. After all, nothing embodies Thanksgiving better than going out and replacing the junk you already have at home with newer, more extravagant items to be more thankful for. Getting those 50 extra dollars off that iPad was surely what President Abraham Lincoln intended for the nation when he declared the official date of the holiday.

Did you hear that? Oh Jimmy, Mother wants your help setting the table for Grandpa and Grandma. But never mind that, there’s no time to waste! While you’re busy setting a fork and knife down for Grandpa, someone else might be getting their grubby hands on YOUR laptop that you’ve been eyeing. And off Jimmy goes, out the door to Best Buy to get his place in line and snatch up those doorbuster deals.

As the family sits down and gets ready to give thanks, daughter Sally jumps out of her seat to pick up her ringing iPhone 5. Her friends are here to pick her up for the Macy’s sale that now begins on Thanksgiving Day! Sorry Mom and Dad, but this is the most important day of the year. Think of how many new pairs of shoes Sally can get a day before Black Friday even begins. And Macy’s is even showing its consideration for the national holiday and the anticipated turkey dinner because by deciding to open at 8 p.m. after “families across the country have finished their holiday meals and celebration.” Besides, the traditionally celebrated holiday is worth cutting short for those coveted Steve Madden boots being marked down 10 percent. Thoughtful Sally will even remember to show her appreciation for family during Black Friday shopping. While she’s sprinting across the clothing section and knocking other girls down to get to Justin Bieber’s perfume display, she will be sure to grab a keychain for Mom and Dad on the way out of the store.

The family has two fewer mouths to feed, but that’s okay! Today is all about appreciation, and thanks to Black Friday, the eager children will have more gadgets and clothes to be grateful for. And at school, when Sally beams with excitement in her designer shoes and the other children are green with envy, she will be sure to be thankful for her fabulous shopping spree and her parents’ wallets.

Have fun children; this is the event of your lives! Spend as you please, make the most of it, and stay out as long as you want—I’m sure Mother and Father won’t be worried at all. CLAIRE HUANG