Sleepless

Dear Sleep,

I miss you.

I lie to myself and convince myself that I don’t need you. But when I try to replace you with caffeine each morning, I find myself crashing and only longing for you more. No matter how many shots of espresso I send through my veins, you can never truly be replaced; cups of coffee don’t bring the color back under my eyes and give life to my face the way you do.

There’s nothing I regret more than taking you for granted. The daily eight hours we would spend together whittled down into almost nothing over the years. I only realized how you were so involved in my life when you were abruptly snatched away by high school. Our distance seems to be growing with each year that passes, junior year being particularly greedy. I can only imagine that as the year progresses, my time with you will continue to wither away.

I’m sorry I always put my work in front of you and act like anything and everything is more important—I brought this upon myself. I’m envious of the time others have with you. I always wonder how they manage to win you over and if I can ever do the same again. At the same time, it seems as if the entire school is fighting for you, as no one can seem to stop talking about how much they miss you.

You truly brought out the best in me, making me the best version of myself. You were the thread that held me together. My mind is a blur without you, and everyday becomes increasingly difficult the more time we spend apart. Nothing feels the same without you.

Please take me back.

But no matter how much I miss you, please stop visiting me in class. It’s embarrassing.

Sincerely yours,

Hannah Lee