Blazing Trails of Satire: Grammar Schmucks

Hear I am, sitting at my desk about to write an article for the school newspaper. Having been a staff member of this publication for two years now, if there are one thing I learns the most, it is that the English language is beautifully simple. I mean, no wonder it is considered an universal language. But, in case you dont understand why, let me tell you the reasons why.

Because, English is basic, especially grammar. Its easy to learn and hard to overlook. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten all the grammar lessons that you were teached in elementary school. I remember circling subjects and underlining verbs in my second grade class like it were yesterday. And is it elementary supposed to be the rudimentary level of education? If teachers teaches us grammar in the elementary school then grammar must also be easy. It’s not hard two put too and too together. Plus, its so simple that it’s rarely ever discussed in my AP and honors classes. My teachers already assume that our advanced level English classes compromise of only the most exemplary students whom certainly don’t need to learn the fundamentals again. Obviously, English grammer is uncomplicated, so definitive, and everyone knows it, perfect.

A helpful tip to writing well is to write exactly the way you talk. Think about it, when your writing you’re essay as you speak aloud, when do you ever had any problems with verb tenses? Or subject verb agreement? Or prepositional and participial phrases, one of the most essentialest grammar skills to know? Because if you grew up in the States, these grammatical rules are so deeply rooted into our brains that you can’t hardly make no mistakes. Its even more laughable when we have to get tested on these subjects. The SAT writing section should of had more difficult questions, because I thought they were clearly a peace of cake.

Think you got my point? But, I’m not done yet. Let me tell you what’s really beyond my apprehension. That people still can’t grasp the point that I have so throughly explained—ridiculous isn’t it? I still remember that one day in class I met a foreign exchange student, furiously pouring over a thick grammar workbook. I glimpsed at the monstrous volume and saw some never-before-seen terms such as demonstratives, conditionals, and I think there was that one word… oppositive, was it? Curious, I asked what she was so intently studying.

“Oh, it’s just my precious book of all the English grammar rules,” the foreign classmate answered. “Where I come from, we have an enlightening class called ‘Talk American 101,’ in which we scrutinize every grammatical rule in the English language; it familiarizes us with the common jargon of typical American society.”

You can probably imagine what I thought. The poor kid had it all wrong. She was fooled by the misconception that grammar is something extremely difficult and plays some sort of significant role in the English language! I tried to explain that she had it complete wrong, but she strongly disagreed and ignored my invaluable advice.

Oh well, whatever “sinks your boat” they say. But, let me go back to what I was saying. As an experienced journalist and an AP Rhet student, there is nothing I cannot emphasize more than how amazingly trouble-free the English language can be. For those of you that believe grammar is something to hard too grasp or want to improve expanding their grammar knowledge, don’t fret. Just let the grammar flow out of you, like me, I mean, my writing turned out fine, ain’t it so?